why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pants are for mortals
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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