a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
