Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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