Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
