Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
party gras won. party gras always wins.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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