another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
