Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
