one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
