he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
