I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
