My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Enjoy the penises
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
