i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
