Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
