it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Found the puke drawer
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
