Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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