..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
