Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
there is puke in my bra ... again
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