I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
