Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
