Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
