She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
