Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
