The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
