I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
