i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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