I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
