The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
