made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dicks are not precious.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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