come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
