That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
