Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
