I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
