New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This baby is an asshole
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
