You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
