I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
