Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
