Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
