I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
