it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
