I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
