The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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