u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
