Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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