my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
