The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
