You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
