I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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