he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
