Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
