My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He did a backflip because drugs
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
