I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
