I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
