I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
